


Wet Hot Sherwoodian Summer

by bimpson



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: 80s, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Birthday Party, Drinking, F/M, Fraternities & Sororities, Gen, Heterosexuality, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, J.D. is gone!, Party, Partying, Uncomfortable topics, Underage Drinking, sadly!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29565177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bimpson/pseuds/bimpson
Summary: A drunk Veronica, a mean Heather Chandler, and a pool. What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Heather Chandler & Veronica Sawyer
Kudos: 6





	Wet Hot Sherwoodian Summer

**Author's Note:**

> hiiii besties just a shitty lil thing for fun since i havent written anything in months xoxo sorry ill get on top of things relatively soon i am just very busy right now
> 
> tw: some brief uncomfortable topics are brought up in passing so just be warned

Veronica slumped in the front seat of her car. She wasn’t sure if she should just go home or not; she knew that no matter what she did, there was no way this could end well for her. Still, she felt obligated to be here. It was her own fault she was in this mess, after all.

* * *

Last night was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Veronica wasn’t a stranger to fucking up. In fact, she did it a lot, especially when alcohol was involved. Heather Chandler had thrown herself a party for her eighteenth birthday, inviting her friends from both Westerberg High and Remington University, creating a strange hormonal mix of excited teenagers and frat guys who should’ve graduated four semesters ago. It was gross, but there was more than enough alcohol to push any uncomfortable thoughts away.

Of course, Veronica used this to her advantage, getting trashed within the first two hours of the party. In her defense, everyone else was going just as hard, but Veronica embodied the definition of blackout or back out. This proved to be a fatal mistake.

Why did she drink so much? Maybe it was because she wanted to forget the weird preppy guys that made her uncomfortable, or maybe it was to forget the fact that her now ex-boyfriend, Jason Dean, was somewhere across the country, probably chatting up a new pseudo-hipster hot girl already. Either way, by the end of the night, Veronica knew only three things: salt, then lime, then shot.

All good things must come to an end, however. The beginning of the end started at around one-thirty in the morning, half an hour before the party was slated to end. She found the Heathers in the back of the house, hanging out beside Chandler’s in-ground pool; they were the most sober people there. Around them were, of course, Kurt, Ram, and some other jocks Veronica never bothered to learn the names of. She greeted them all with a wide grin and a very slurred _“hey.”_

Their reactions were just what she expected: Duke gave her a look of disgust, McNamara gave her a somewhat worried smile, and Chandler laughed at her. “Oh Veronica, you honestly impress me with how sloppy you get. Do I need to refer you to Alcoholics Anonymous?”

Veronica rolled her eyes in response. “If you don’t want me to drink, then why is the alcohols so available to me? Ever think about that, Big Red?” Someone briefly chuckled in response before Chandler shot them a look.

“Look, Veronica, we can’t be on puke patrol every party. Get it together before you hurl again, okay?”

“Look, Heather,” Veronica put a heavy hand on the girl’s shoulder.

“Don’t touch me-”

“Look, Heather, I’m _fine,_ I’ve done enough of these part-ays to know how to act. I know what I’m doing so don’t even worry about it, okay?”

Heather looked genuinely annoyed, something drunk Veronica did not pick up on. “No, you don’t, you can barely stand up, fuck off before you ruin my shoes again-”

“Okay! Okay- you know what?” Veronica swayed back and forth, dramatically retelling the story, “You don’t have to keep bringing that up because I apologized like, super hard and that was so long ago and we’re fine now we’re still friends so like just forget about it okay?”

“Veronica, if you don’t get off of me-”

“If I don’t what? It’s just my hand, I didn’t know you were _handphobic!”_

“You are such a-”

“No Heather, I get it, you’re embarrassed that I’m so much cooler than you and I’m so funny in front of your little boy gang. I get it! I’ll fuck off over here then-” Veronica forcefully turned, but forgot to take her hand off of Heather’s shoulder beforehand. One thing about being drunk, you forget how strong you really are.

That night, Heather was wearing a beautiful one-of-a-kind red pantsuit all the way from Bangladesh. It was worth thousands upon thousands of dollars, tailor-made for her and made with the most beautiful red fabric money could buy. Hopefully, that price tag meant it was also waterproof.

The next thirty minutes were a blur. Veronica, most likely due to the rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins, sobered up pretty quickly. Duke was trying her hardest not to laugh while McNamara freaked out, trying to get Chandler out without ruining her own outfit. Eventually, one of the boys _(Kurt, maybe?)_ helped her out after laughing at the scene. Chandler, strangely enough, didn’t say a word to Veronica, disappearing into the house, never to be seen again. The rest of the party dispersed at around 2 am, either drunkenly driving home or passing out in various places around the estate.

* * *

And that’s how Veronica got here, outside of Heather’s house at three in the afternoon, getting ready to grovel at her knees and apologize once again, this time completely alone.

After what seemed like a decade of contemplating, Veronica got out of her car and walked to Chandler’s front door. She knocked three times, awaiting a response. She heard a yell from upstairs- Heather’s bedroom- and assumed that was a sign to just come in. The door was unlocked, as per usual- no one would ever be stupid enough to mess with the Chandler household, so their security was fairly lax.

Veronica walked up the stairs that lead to Heather’s bedroom, bracing for herself to be torn a new one by her superior. When she walked into the bedroom, Heather was posed cross-armed in her signature red robe. She looked pissed.

The two stared at each other for a few seconds before Veronica spoke. “Heather, I know I’m stupid-”

_“You are so lucky.”_

“-and I… huh?”

Heather gave her frenemy a smirk. “You are so lucky. When your dumbass knocked me into the pool, I was plotting your social homicide. You were gonna be done and no amount of pathetic groveling was ever going to fix it. But thanks to your little alcoholic stunt, I found out the president of Alpha Sigma Phi has a literal wet girl fetish.”

Veronica suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable. “Oh. Ew.”

“Ew to you. I now have a permanent _in_ to their frat parties. Do you know how important that is?”

“I’m probably not as interested in Greek politics as you are.”

Heather rolled her eyes. “They’re the top frat on campus, Veronica. If I’m good with them, I can get into any sorority I want. And since I’m fucking their president, I’m already guaranteed to rule over the losers of that school _as a freshman_. What I thought was your social suicide turned out to be my social promotion. If you weren’t such a drunken idiot, I would’ve thought that was your plan all along. _Clever girl._ ”

The blue paletted girl didn’t know how to respond. “…Well, I’m glad it worked out for everyone in the end, I guess?”

“You’re still doing my homework for the next two weeks.”

There it is. “Yeah, yeah, I assumed so. You’re still reading Moby Dick, right?”

Heather smiled. “Good thing you pay attention, you’re not completely useless.” She held out a thick packet of paper. “Chapters ten through twelve questions are due tomorrow. Better get to it.”

Veronica took the stack with a grimace. “Anything for you, Big Red.”


End file.
